The Get Ready Money Podcast

The Get Ready Money Podcast with Megan Kopka: The Modern Widow

• Tony Steuer

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On the latest episode of The Get Ready Money Podcast, I spoke with Megan Kopka, Board Chair of the Modern Widows Club and Managing Partner at Apprise Wealth Management about changing the way we think about money and widows. 


In this episode we discussed:


  • How the Modern Widow’s Club supports widows. 
  • The importance of leaning in when people are facing tragedy.
  • Keeping communication focused on the widow and what they need help with.
  • The average age of a widow is 59.
  • Why widows need a mentor and a tribe.
  • Financial planners should be someone who widows can trust and that have a process in place for widows.
  • Widowhood is a women’s health event.

Megan Kopka, CFP®, RLP®, is Board Chair of Modern Widow’s Club and Managing Partner of Apprise Wealth Management.  Megan is passionate about helping women, especially- caregivers & widows, find financial security and freedom to live fulfilling lives supported through planning and investing. Her experience as a former math teacher, wife, mom, widow, solo parent, caregiver, medical advocate, business owner, partner and feminist gives her unique perspectives on integrating money with life values. Megan co-founded the Cape Fear Community of the Modern Widows Club in May 2020 and served as their community advocate until December 2023. She is also on the Golden Committee for the National Modern Widows Club, a national non-profit organization that serves widows, and Megan is the Board Chair. 

Connect with Megan Kopka:


Website: https://timcalise.com

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/tcalise/


Website: apprisewealth.com

LinkedIn (Megan Kopka):  https://www.linkedin.com/in/megan-kopka-cfp%C2%AE-rlp%C2%AE-a5271a9/

LinkedIn (Apprise Wealth): https://www.linkedin.com/company/apprise-wealth-management/

Facebook (Megan Kopka): https://www.facebook.com/MKopkaFinance/

Instagram (Megan Kopka):  https://www.instagram.com/megan.kopka/


Connect with the Modern Widows Club


Website (resources and more for widows): https://modernwidowsclub.org 

Support the Modern Widows Club: Give

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/modernwidowsclub

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/modernwidowsclub/

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/modern-widows-club/

Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/carolynmoor/modern-widows-club/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCAej2VmfOybkD3IcLeBKLEw


Book: 


Legendary Widows: Stories of Legacy (Amazon)

Support the show

Speaker 1:

Are you looking to get ready, be prepared and transform your financial future? Then you've come to the right place. This is the Get Ready Money Podcast with Tony Stewart, where Tony has insightful conversations with financial experts who are changing the way we think about money. Catch up on the latest financial trends and hear practical advice from Tony and his expert guests so you can build healthy habits that work, Be empowered with tips for implementing small changes that can have a big impact on your financial future. So sit back and get ready to hear from today's guest. So sit back and get ready to hear from today's guest.

Speaker 2:

Welcome to the Get Ready Money podcast changing the way we think about money. I'm pleased to be joined today by Megan Kopka. Megan is the board chair of the Modern Widows Club and managing partner at Apprise Wealth Management. In this episode, we'll be discussing how we can change the way we think about money and widows. Megan, welcome to the Get Ready Money podcast. Thanks for joining us today.

Speaker 3:

Connie, thank you so much for the invitation. I'm so glad to be here with you today and definitely want to change how we think about money and widowhood. For sure, thank you.

Speaker 2:

Awesome, awesome, excited for the conversation, you know to start with, you know, let's talk a little bit about you. What is your origin story?

Speaker 3:

Oh gosh to finance or widowhood. Yes, I am one of the few people where.

Speaker 3:

I found my personal story, my professional life and all of my altruistic goals to be one, my altruistic goals to be one right. My purpose and meaning are all combined. I feel like it's my job to become a spiritual teacher about money under the guise of widowhood and specifically for caregivers and widows, because that is my personal story and I think it's very, very important to lean in when people are facing tragedy. And I feel like I've had the hardest conversations I could possibly have and did it with a lot of confidence and a lot of love with my late husband, keith, and I feel very comfortable facilitating those conversations for others.

Speaker 2:

That's awesome, you know. It makes me think. Just a quick shout out to who we were talking about Kathy Ballas before. Who's just? I mean that she's really driving that about changing the conversations around grief and grief literacy. So you know it's still a little bit of work to go, but you know we can all get there, you know. So let's talk about International Widows Day. You know that's coming up. What is International Widows Day?

Speaker 3:

Oh gosh, thank you for asking. International Widows Day is on June 23rd. It is actually a day recognized by the United Nations and the gentleman who started International Widows Day was the son of a widow and he saw how widows were being treated specifically his mother and felt like it was actually against human rights, and it's true. So we are trying to get a national day for widows in our country. So we are trying to get a national day for widows in our country and we've been engaged with the United Nations. And specifically, his name is Lord Lumbaugh, who's in England now, although of Indian descent. We've been in touch with him and, as the saying goes, when America changes, the world changes.

Speaker 3:

So, although some of the atrocities that you might research, if you'd like to do that on your own, I don't want to get into it too much here because it's very sad on how widows are treated globally, I feel very fortunate to have been widowed in the United States. However, there's still advocacy. Widows as a whole are very unseen and unheard. People have a tendency to avoid the awkwardness of death by avoiding the person, and it's very hurtful. It's very hurtful.

Speaker 2:

And you know I mean it's. Yeah, we don't want to deal with things that are negative to us, you know. So what would you say to somebody who does have a widow in their life?

Speaker 3:

You know what is a good thing, a good way to communicate with a widow Whatever is best for her, and you have to ask, right? So when I, when I work with caregivers and widows, I highly recommend that they have a sticky note on their kitchen cabinet door, wherever is like convenient for them to have a list of five things that they could use help with. So you don't get the platitudes when someone calls or sends you a text. Just reach out anytime. Anything you need, I'll be there to help. It's very kind and I'm sure you mean it at the time, but if a widow or a caregiver gets up the nerve to actually call you and ask you for help, it takes a lot for us to ask for help, right, we're independent Americans, it's part of our makeup and it's hard to ask for help. It takes a lot for us to ask for help, right, we're independent Americans, it's part of our makeup and it's hard to ask for help. So when they do be sincere and be ready to go into action and leap into action and also asking, like you know, is it all right if I text you when I think about you, would you like me to drop by?

Speaker 3:

And when you do, just holding space for that person, I think some of the great things about bereavement that I've heard people say is like I can only imagine or I can't imagine is actually better. Right, my late husband was sick for four years and I can tell you I was imagining widowhood for four years. He was terminally ill and it's not even close to how hard it is. What I was imagining isn't close at all. So I can't imagine is a kind thing to say, because you can't until you've been there and also I have no words. Guess what? You don't need words If you just show up and be present for someone in their pain, and that is hard for us to do. It is hard to witness suffering without judgment, without trying to solve. There's nothing you can do to fix the situation, but there are things you can do to help reduce suffering and holding space and showing up, I would say, is a huge way a person could help.

Speaker 2:

Well, and I think that's something that we can all do, and, as you said, I think something that's also important is to be specific with how you can help. Is, I think, just telling somebody call me anytime you need help Isn't great, you know? If they call you and they need help moving, you know, is that what you really can help them? You know, like, like you said, maybe can you drop groceries off once a week.

Speaker 3:

That's exactly what I was thinking. Call them like. I'm on the way to the grocery store. Are there any ingredients that you need? Oh, by the way, I'm making this cool recipe tonight. Do you want me to double it? Right, like, find out what they like or find out if they need an errand run? I had children in the home when I was widowed. Guess what Everyone wants you to date and repartner again. Well, you know, getting a babysitter's $50, $60. So you go on some random date. That's a big financial commitment. So I find, to help with just normal household errands, my brother-in-law he cut our lawn for months, if not a year, after Keith passed away, just showing up and doing it.

Speaker 3:

Being specific, think about the tasks that are in your home. Widowhood hits you all over the place. I mean marriage touches everything right. Who takes out the trash? Who goes, you know, to the grocery store? You know who is the point person for everything. But, very specifically, when I went to bed at night, I went to bed alone. When I got up in the morning, I got up alone. When I came in from work, there was no one there waiting for me alone. When I came in from work, there was no one there waiting for me, right? There's no one to debrief, there's no one to constantly hear where you are in your timeline of stories and situations. And that said, too, we have to also be mindful that grief can, grief is isolating. At the time when I was first widowed, there were no words, like I had this cacophony of emotions going on inside of me that, if you asked me how I was fine, would be the answer right.

Speaker 3:

So it's always the answer Because I didn't have the words or the ability to pull apart, like the cacophony of emotions that were happening to me all at once. And so I feel like, to a degree, grief is isolating, because I really couldn't function, I couldn't think and I wasn't very sure how I was feeling inside or about anything. And yet, at the same time, I'm an extrovert and again, my brother and sister-in-law, they were champions for me. I mean, they did not let me sit home on a Saturday night. Two weeks after Keith passed away, they dragged me out to a party. I'm an extrovert, I don't usually need help with going out and being social, but they did not leave me alone and I would say keep inviting your widowed friend out and do not expect them to be the same person that they were the month, the six months, the four years previous to where they are today. They will be a different person and friendships and relationships last when you're willing to go through a transition with someone you know, yeah, yeah, to be able to support someone.

Speaker 2:

You know it's easy to be a friend when everything is going well. It's hard to be a friend when things aren't. And you know, I mean we'll get into money and advising. But I think that also holds true for advisors. I know a lot of advisors get very uncomfortable in a situation when their clients are going through a transition, which is one of the times where it's most important to step up as an advisor when your clients teach you.

Speaker 3:

Well, and I don't know about you, but most clients call me when they're anticipating in or just through. I think they're through a transition. It's usually what spikes the call. There's something that prompts them, or maybe life is normal. Very, very rarely, I would say less than 10% of the phone calls I get in for financial planning are, you know, life's great. I just thought I'd call you and see what I could be doing better.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, exactly yeah. There's usually some event coming up just past whatever that prompts people to be interested. So you know, let's talk about the Modern Widows Club. You guys are doing some fantastic work. What is the Modern Widows Club?

Speaker 3:

Well, take the word modern and just substitute it with its true meaning, and it means now, anyone that is widowed now in today's world can reach out to the Modern Widows Club. That is widowed now in today's world can reach out to the Modern Widows Club. Essentially, what we are is we are a support group for widows. We have communities around the world and my and what our overall theme and objective is is to reduce suffering for widows. This widowhood is a women's health event. Right, when you lose your spouse, you have, um, pretty much. If marriage changes everything, everything in your life has changed. You are now a possibly a solo parent. You are a single person in the world. You are not a couple that gets asked out for dinner. You are a single person. Your relationships change. It is emotionally and mentally upsetting, and it's not far past the emotional and mental upset that you'll start seeing a physiological response.

Speaker 3:

We all know that stress can trigger physical events, right. So through this process, we're looking at widowhood as a woman's health event, and so we've done a lot of research, and our communities, our support groups, are based around resilience science. What does it take for you to become resilient? And we're resilient in a lot of things, right, widowhood is probably not your first stressor as an adult. But how we handle stress can be learned. It can be trained how to best handle stress. Right, we were talking about breathing exercises before we started recording. You know, just being able to box breathe can be stress reducing. So resilient science has proven that. You know the whole. Again back to being an independent American. I would argue that 0% of our population has ever pulled themselves up by the bootstraps. Right, sure, get out of bed, fix your face, whatever the saying is. But we've all had mentors. We've all had a leg up. Someone who signed off on a letter of recommendation?

Speaker 3:

right, somebody has held a door open for you, likely at one point, if only your mother whoever your greatest supporter is, and what resilient science has proven is that there are two things that you cannot get on your own. So we could give you a whole bunch of physical exercises, breathing exercises, you could go do EMDR or talk therapy out the wazoo, but the two things are is one you need a mentor, and two you need your tribe, and so Modern Widows Club actually creates a space to provide both, and we also provide a track for leadership right? I was a leader before my late husband got sick. I became an advocate, a medical advocate, while he was sick, and then, in widowhood, I went through what I can now tell you was a full blown identity crisis. I have never been reduced to practically nothing. Every time I felt I hit rock bottom, it just like I felt like there was another tragedy or another stressor or another event, and we call those secondary losses right stressor or another event, and we call those secondary losses right. So we might.

Speaker 3:

One of the sayings that I want to dispel and make stop happening is don't make any major decisions for a year. Have you heard that before Telling someone not to make any major decisions for a year, and I'm like I don't know, post five years old. Every decision I made seemed pretty important until I was about 17. Right, you know on a daily basis like what do you, what do you call a major decision? Selling the family home? Well, I work with widows all the time. Selling the family home might be, you know, a widow might say to me Megan, I have got to get out of here. His memory is in every corner. I will never be able to move forward if I stay here and then contrast that completely the opposite. I don't ever want to sell the family home. His memories are everywhere. How could I ever leave? The reality is, our job in financial planning is, in part, to make that a financial decision. Right, if you have time, great. But what if you're exacerbating a bad situation if you stay? What if she wholeheartedly already knows that this was not the house, the community, the state, the country that she wants to live in? If she knows that and we deem that a major decision why wouldn't you support her? So there were some things I was very clear on in my own widowhood journey, and one was that I would be selling the family home. I wanted to downsize and I wanted to move into a condo and I wanted to live urban something my husband would never have done so and I'm doing it, but I just I don't like that. Don't make any major decisions for a year. Sometimes there are decisions that we know are clear and set in our values and the things that we desire and we've made compromises for our marriage. Other things, like Susan Bradley's work as a certified financial transition transitionist we'll talk about the decision free zone.

Speaker 3:

So from the planning perspective, I would say you know, serve the acute needs, do what you need to do now and continuously have those conversations. I meet with my widowed clients every two weeks, so that that list is constantly changing. My widowed clients every two weeks so that that list is constantly changing. The personality who shows up in front of me is constantly changing. But both as a modern widows club community advocate, I've seen that, and as my work as a financial planner, I have seen that.

Speaker 3:

So checking in with someone on how their grief is that day becomes paramount. That's Checking in with someone on how their grief is that day becomes paramount. That's your initial question. You know how's your grief today, because it is likely changing. What is it like right now?

Speaker 3:

Some widows that I work with I only exist because their husband no longer is here. Their husband was the go-to person and so just even visiting with me is upsetting, right? I wouldn't be in their lives and have this relationship. So there might be some resentment not towards me necessarily, but the fact that he isn't here there might be some anger, there might be some sorrow attached to it, right? So just you know, I guess, stepping back and putting yourself in someone else's shoes, on what does it really mean to be a financial planner? Because we can't stay in this professional armor and not be a human on the planet and lean in to see what else is really going on, because a lot of emotions come up. I mean, we've worked in money for long enough to know that a lot of people feel a lot of shame, regret, a lack of confidence when it comes to money in general. And you take widowhood it's magnified, it's very magnified.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, well, there's so much that you said there. I think you know. One thing I want to highlight for listeners and viewers is that it's a health event. It's not just its own thing, and I think that's an talked about. It's all interrelated and money is an aspect of this, but it's not the driver, it's. It's an aspect, I think, at some point for people.

Speaker 3:

And let me just highlight too, with our communities being based on resilience science, what we came up with is seven pillars of healthy living, right? So your physical health, your mental health, your relational health, your spiritual health a lot of widows change where they go as far as religious practices as well as changing financial advisors. Your financial health, creative health we have a art club, we have a book club and then finally finding purpose and meaning. So those are our seven pillars that we focus on, but the top two I would say is grief, working with grief, a mental health therapist and money. Right, those are things that I feel like should be addressed immediately, and I encourage widows that are listening and financial advisors who are working with widows that a widow needs two professionals. One is a grief counselor and two is a holistic financial planner, someone who's willing to work with her from cash flow, even the checkbook, all the way through estate planning, right? So, cash flow, investments, taxes, insurances, debt consolidation, you know, understanding credit cards as a joint user versus authorized user and who pays that off. Those are all very, very crucial for a widow, because we should. Many of us, as certified financial planners, have been trained on holistic personal finances. You need to bring all of that to the table when you're working with a widow, like I do it for everyone I work with. I've always done well, not always, but I am now in practice doing holistic financial planning and I wouldn't do it any other way with a widow. She needs help or partnership in all of it. Even if she was the one, even if she's me.

Speaker 3:

I was a financial planner when I became widowed. I work with financial planners, right. I don't have the corner on every good idea and I can do stupid things on my own too, right, and I'm a widow. That first year was mind numbing. I actually missed two credit card payments. I transposed the due dates. My credit score went down into the 700s and I mean that was devastating. I'm like, oh my gosh, I do this for a living, but at the same time, I'm no different than anyone else. I can make mistakes. I went numb. I wanted to take a break to not make any major decisions for a year.

Speaker 3:

Don't say that, but you know it's you have. There's a part about being a women's health event, too, is there is a medical diagnosis called brain fog. Many people experience this under stress and it means that you're not your normal, good, decision-making self. Maybe you don't have to have ADD. You don't have to be deemed a constant procrastinator. You don't have to have ADD. You don't have to be deemed a constant procrastinator. Brain fog will make you forgetful and bring you into something where, like you know, I pride myself in standing in integrity and doing the things that I say I'm going to do. It's hard. That's a tall order in widowhood with brain fog.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I, like you said I can't imagine. You know, and I think you said something important. You know I want to walk back. You know we could go down this avenue, but I think when you talk about CFPs and certified financial planners, you know there's, I think, now seven pillars to being a CFP, which includes insurance and estate planning. So you know, all the financial planners listening out there, it's not just about the investments is. You know? In my mind, financial planners need to do the full, as you point out, the full gamut of financial plan, because I think that's what consumers think about when they hire a financial planner, that they're not thinking I'm only getting an investment advisor.

Speaker 3:

Correct.

Speaker 3:

So, I agree. I mean, that's the certified financial planning board has made a gold standard, right? They have created this nonprofit board for consumers nonprofit board for consumers. And so, as a widow hiring an advisor, I tell him I'm like you, how do you charge and what can I expect from that? So I mean, I have it's for me. I created a widow process and I am fee only so I can charge for financial planning and I don't even want to talk or move investments until I'm very clear on the rest of it. Right? We don't know if we do an inherited IRA or a spousal rollover until we know that she has other cash available and she's under 59 and a half, right? So there's things that you really need to know and understand. We need to know as much as they do about their financial picture before you start making decisions, and some of those decisions are timely, which is why I think widows should hire a financial planner sooner rather than later, right? Annuity and pension decisions might be 60 or 90 days.

Speaker 3:

Yeah, like you said, some things you can't wait a year on, some things need to be acted on, you know, but right, oh, and the other thing for me, like as a financial planner, I am four out of five of the tax filing statuses in nine years, right, like the other timely event is December 31st, the end of a tax season. Are they going from married filing jointly to qualified widow, married filing jointly to head of household or married filing jointly to, you know, a single filer, and is there anything that is timely by December 31st to think about at that point? Arguably Roth conversions, you know, claiming gains at a married filing jointly status. All of those things could be crucial and you do get the married filing jointly status for that full tax year. However, you know someone passes away in late December. You know, maybe you don't want to jump the gun, unless this is someone that's been a client for a long time and you know what needs to be done.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, 100%. Well, that's yeah, that's fantastic stuff. So so you know, let's hop into the get ready questions. Um real quick. These are adapted a little bit for our theme is uh, what basic money concept do you wish widows knew?

Speaker 3:

ideally. If there were one thing I would say usernames and passwords right. Knowing, essentially being able to know what their balance sheet is, where are the accounts located, how are they titled and who are your beneficiaries. I've given a lot of presentations over my career for women and, just like when I used to be a math teacher, right, if you have a good estimate, you will likely get that question right on a test If you have a good estimate and it's a multiple choice so if you have a good estimate on where things are and how much you have, it really helps in the long run Well, actually for sure, in the short run too.

Speaker 3:

So, yeah, having a good estimate or pulse point on your financial plan, going to the financial planning meetings this is why I also my niche is also working with caregivers Getting that financial plan together is priceless, having your loved one's voice in your head, even if you've never seen a financial planner before, there's a terminal illness, you have time to get things right from a legacy, love, grief, family standpoint and also from your financial plan standpoint.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, no, that's powerful advice and for people who are watching and listening to the show is, as some of you know, is you can download all kinds of worksheets to help organize your finances at no cost from my website to be prepared Because, like you say, if somebody doesn't know, if your spouse doesn't know that you have all these accounts or how to access them, it doesn't really do them any good. If they don't know that there's an investment account with, let's say, schwab and the access account, you know it can take them a while to actually access the money. So, you know it's a way to say I love you is to make sure that they know there's an account, they know how to access it.

Speaker 3:

Those are all very important gifts you can give somebody. Yeah, here's a great example in my own family. When my children turned 18, I had them sit down and do their health care. Power of attorney and advance directives Right.

Speaker 3:

We had talked about death and dying around the dining room table for years. About a year ago I said something to my daughter and I was like well, you know, it's in the purple box. My letter of intent is in the purple box in the living room inside of my financial binder. And she's like I have no idea what you're talking about. I'm like, oh my gosh, I talk about this all the time. I present about it. Like my kids know it's in the purple box. And she's like I'm texting Bruce right now.

Speaker 3:

Neither of my kids knew it was probably like early in bereavement where I probably freaked them out and said if something happens to me now, I need you to open the letter in the purple box, and at the time you know my dad's going to be the guardian and trustee. So you know he, he knows about the purple box. Or maybe I should pick up the phone and call him next. But purple box, letter of intent. I think that's also crucial on where everything is tapped and what I have For financial advisors be the leader, like do it for yourself.

Speaker 3:

That way you know what it's like to go through the process. And I also felt very fortunate when Keith was given a terminal diagnosis. We were on the fourth writing of our will. It wasn't a first time experience for us and quite frankly, I can't imagine if it had been. When we got married and had a son, we needed a will to appoint a guardian. We moved out of state, we had another will drawn. We moved back to a different state, we had another will drawn. So for the fourth time it was real, when he had a terminal illness. This is something like as an adult and specifically as a parent. I mean you're I'm going to say it, you're a bad parent if you don't have a will in place. You just are. We don't know when and we don't know how. I mean I guess it's a little fatalistic, but no, it's reality and we're responsible for our children.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I think that's another thing like we were talking about. It's something you do for your others that everybody should do. So what is one habit that widows can change when they think about their money?

Speaker 3:

Ooh, a habit they can change. Oh, a habit they can change. Well, and this is something for all women, I would say historically, women have been held out of the legal and financial realm for all of written history. So if I could change anything, I would wave a magic wand for women in general, but widows specifically, and let go of the shame. This wasn't I mean. Everyone will say it. This wasn't something that we were brought up talking about or even doing for most people, in most cases, and even if you were, hey, I already spilled the beans on myself.

Speaker 3:

I made mistakes too, and sometimes it really is best to partner with someone, especially when you know all of the statistics and research, just on widow fog alone, regardless of the fact that everything else is in motion. You know, if you've acted as an executor for someone else's estate, it's it's. I mean, quite frankly, it's a little bit easier when it's your spouse, if you've done things ahead of time, but also it's a lot more difficult because it is so personal and everything needs to be retitled, possibly Right. So it's a lot. Be easy on yourself, give yourself a lot of grace and let go of the shame.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, no, I think that's so powerful is give yourself some space. It's okay. You know that oftentimes we feel like we should know something, we feel like we should be doing something and I think maybe that's where some, you know, that thought behind don't make any major decisions is coming from, but it's not really the right advice. It is sort of it's close.

Speaker 3:

Yeah, it's close, it's close. It's amazing how I've heard in my group a widow that held on to that advice and on day 366, after her husband died, she put the RV on the market and she didn't want it. She knew she didn't want it and I'm like, oh my gosh, we had another widow who didn't open mail for a year.

Speaker 1:

Like at what time yeah?

Speaker 3:

Like I know it was. But to what extent do we really take that advice Like it is the gospel handed to us of? We get a year off and the reality is that there is so much minutia and so much movement going on. When your spouse passes away, you don't get the year off. I really wish we could have a bereavement year, but the IRS doesn't look at it like that. When you don't file your taxes right, there are major consequences if you try and take a year off of all of your bills.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, and the IRS doesn't have much of a sense of humor on that kind of stuff.

Speaker 3:

Not at all. So when you say stuff like don't make any major decisions for a year, it's like you're actually robbing someone of an experience on what might be arguably their hardest year or two. That's what it means to me is that you are really doing a huge disservice and not giving them credit for the space that they're actually living in.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, no, that's powerful, and I think the underlying thing here for me that I'm taking away is that every person in situation is unique and you need to deal with things as they are, not with general rules, because general rules almost apply to nobody.

Speaker 3:

Right, absolutely, and we talked earlier too about traditionally, when you close your eyes and picture a widow, what does she look like? And I'm like, yeah, we're not granny from Tweety, you know Tweety birds granny here and I shared with you too, like when my grandmother was widowed at 89 years old. It was my aunt and I in partnership. My aunt was like the daily money manager for my grandmother and I was the investment advisor for my grandmother and all she wanted to know was if she was going to be okay. But then, you know, you meet people like Kathy Balasek and me and we're not what you picture.

Speaker 3:

I was widowed at 38 years old. My husband got sick when I was 35. You know we had two kids in the home and I know that that's not what most people picture, and I know widows starting at age 40, we are women most likely outlive their spouses. It goes up exponentially through those, through those times, and so it's highly unlikely that what you're picturing as the sweet little old lady is actually going to be someone who hires you as a financial advisor. Right, we talked about like she's probably partnering with her children and you might be more engaged with her children like I was with my aunt at that point 100%.

Speaker 2:

That's powerful stuff and I think it's good to know is that, and it's always a reminder that things aren't what you expect them to be. You know. Right well, and then take today's world.

Speaker 3:

Today's world, we have an opioid epidemic that is creating a lot of young deaths, and we also had COVID, which created a lot of COVID widows, and now we've got the youngest baby boomer turned age 59 in 2023. So our baby boom generation is all turning 60. 59 is a magical age because that is the average age of a widow in our country. So, when you're thinking about widowhood, think about the baby boom generation. Right now. I think we're going to have, just like everything else with the baby boom that they touched, that there will be a lot of widows coming in on the pike and, you know, the next decade yeah, 100.

Speaker 2:

Well, to wrap up, megan, uh, what is your number one tip on changing the way widows think about money?

Speaker 3:

um, I think I probably already stated that I I just A tip versus a wish. Hiring a financial planner, finding a partner I said probably a million times in the last 10 years that I have felt unpartnered in everything In life. Right, I worked solo on my own. I'm now in a partnership. I solo parented it. I just felt like I was unpartnered, that no one was really in it with me on the things that mattered most. And money is foundational. It touches everything, just like marriage does. So a tip for a widow would be to find your financial partner, find someone that you can trust. Make sure that they have a process for widows, that they are a holistic financial planner, and that's that would be my tip for widows.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, that's awesome, and of course, that leads into the next question when can people learn more about you and the Modern Widows Club?

Speaker 3:

Oh gosh, go to modernwidowscluborg and I would highly recommend that. If you don't have a community in your area, if you know a widow who is looking for more, that has some leadership qualities, encourage her to start a community in her area. I can't I mean, we have a virtual club and it's excellent and I know the leader and she's phenomenal. But I can't even express enough of how much women thrive in relationship groups, right One-on-one in person or even in group. Women lean into this more so than men and it's necessary and needed. It is really hard for widows to come into the community at first, but once they did they're usually happy that they did.

Speaker 3:

I was a community advocate in Wilmington and they always say you get more than you give and I put a lot into having a really great monthly support meeting. The rewards were huge for me to watch women go from Modern Widows Club. We have phases of hope, heal, grow and lead and I watched firsthand growing a leader inside of my group. I'm now the chair for the board of directors because my co-advocate was able to step up into leadership and another widow in our group was able to be. Her co-advocate was able to step up into leadership and another widow in our group was able to be her co-advocate, so watching that leadership firsthand is so rewarding. We are looking for sponsorships and donations, but starting a community, I would say, is probably the best way to lean in Financial advisors. You can sign up on the homepage for a newsletter called the Widow Supporter and learn more about bereavement and widowhood from our perspective.

Speaker 2:

Awesome, awesome. And for everybody watching and listening, as always, I will have all those links in the show notes so you don't have to keep going back and trying to replay. All this is you can easily find those and connect with the Modern Widows Club and with Megan. So, megan, thanks for joining us today on the Get Ready Money podcast.

Speaker 3:

Oh, tony, thank you so much for having me, If I can offer one more resource very briefly. If I can offer one more resource very briefly is to look at the impact report. This is research and data that we collected in 2020 and 2021. And it's compiled research from our group on how widowhood has impacted our widows that responded, so it's probably the most comprehensive widow study done most recently. Okay now, that's a fantastic reason.

Speaker 3:

Yeah, most people would be amazed and it will help dispel some myths about widowhood. It is a lot harder and a lot longer than most people think, and our goal with the Modern Widows Club is to reduce suffering, that's it.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, the Modern Widows Club does some fantastic work and I'd encourage everybody. You know if you are a widow, if you know a widow. If you're an advisor, probably going to have a widow as a client at some point.

Speaker 3:

I agree. Check out the work.

Speaker 2:

It's not a matter of if it's a matter of when.

Speaker 3:

Yeah, that's exactly right and thank you so much for your interest in Modern Widows Club and being a widow supporter and reaching out. I'm so grateful for this time.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, well, I'm glad to support the work that you and the group are doing and I appreciate your time and sharing the insights with the audience, and I hope everybody watching and listening, as always, that you learned something today to change the way you think about money, you know, and thank you, as always, for tuning into this episode of the Get Ready Money podcast. If you liked it, please be sure to subscribe and share this episode with a friend. You next time.

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Tony Steuer

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