The Get Ready Money Podcast
The Get Ready! Money Podcast with Tony Steuer features insightful conversations with financial experts who are changing the way we think about money. Listen each week to catch up on the latest financial trends and hear practical advice from Tony and his expert guests aimed at demystifying the complexities of finance, so you can build healthy habits that ACTUALLY work.
Each episode will leave you with tips for implementing small changes that can have a big impact on your financial future. Tony’s podcast is perfect for listeners seeking to get ready, be prepared, and transform their financial future.
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The Get Ready Money Podcast
The Get Ready Money Podcast: Change The Way You Think About Solo Aging
On this episode of The Get Ready Money Podcast, I was joined by Cathy Sikorski, Author and Speaker; Joy Loverde, author and speaker; Paul Nagle, Executive Director of Stonewall Community Development Corporation and Peggy Haslach, Certified Financial Planner at Planning for Good to talk about changing the way we think about money and solo aging.
Here’s what we discussed:
- Why money is the number one conversation that you need to have.
- The importance of having trusted people and resources.
- Why community is vital.
- What’s unique about solo aging for the LGBTQIA+ community
- Keep everything up to date.
- Look for straight answers from advisors. Are you really being addressed?
Joy Loverde is the best-selling author of The Complete Eldercare Planner and Who Will Take Care of Me When I’m Old? A seasoned keynote speaker and brand ambassador for the senior-living industry, Joy’s appearances include the Today show, CBS Early Show, ABC News, and NPR. She is quoted in the Wall Street Journal, Washington Post, Time Magazine, and others. Joy works with the senior-housing industry and other professionals as a mature-market consultant.
Cathy Sikorski, Esq. a Speaker, Elder Lawyer, Author and Media Guest unravels the complex financial and legal problems in the caregiving crisis. Cathy uses her own caregiver experience and expertise to educate, entertain and elevate the conversation around work, money, aging and caregiving. In October 2021, her latest book 12 Conversations: How to Talk to Almost Anyone about Long-Term Care Planning was released.
Paul Nagle is the Executive Director of Stonewall Community Development Corporation, a young organization dedicated to working with commercial and non-profit developers, policy leaders, government agencies and local communities to establish LGBTQ-friendly senior housing in NYC. Paul is also the Program Director at Musicians United to Protect Bristol Bay.
Peggy Haslach, CFP, CLU is a Certified Financial Planner at Planning for Good. Ten years ago, Peggy decided to get the licenses needed to open her own financial planning practice after she saw firsthand how many women and LGBT seniors needed help navigating life events and how few women and LGBT worked in the areas where they needed help. Recently Peggy opened a west coast office of Planning For Good making it a bicoastal, LGBTQIA+ women owned financial planning firm dedicated to working with LGBTQ, women and other historically underrepresented communities. Peggy is a certified MBE through the NGLCC. In addition to advising her clients, Peggy has been working to change the face of financial services. She sits on the Cambridge Investment Research DEI Advisory Council and is the executive advisor to Unity™ the LGBTQ+ affinity program at Females and Finance.
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Are you looking to get ready, be prepared and transform your financial future? Then you've come to the right place. This is the Get Ready Money Podcast with Tony Stewart, where Tony has insightful conversations with financial experts who are changing the way we think about money. Catch up on the latest financial trends and hear practical advice from Tony and his expert guests so you can build healthy habits that work, Be empowered with tips for implementing small changes that can have a big impact on your financial future. So sit back and get ready to hear from today's guest. So sit back and get ready to hear from today's guest.
Speaker 2:Welcome to the Get Ready Money podcast changing the way we think about money. I'm pleased to be joined today by Kathy Sikorski, who's an author and speaker, joy Laverde, who's also an author and speaker, paul Nagel, executive Director of Stonewall Community Development Corporation, and Peggy Hasluck, who is an author, speaker and certified financial planner at Planning for Good. In this episode, we'll be discussing how we change the way we think about money and solo agent. Welcome to the Get Ready Mind podcast. Thank you everyone for being here this morning. Thank you Fantastic. So you know let's launch in. This is where you know I start all my shows is you know? Tell us a little bit about yourselves. What are your origin stories?
Speaker 3:I'll go first I am an elder lawyer. I have been for many years, although it's a fairly new area of the law. It doesn't mean I'm old. New area of the law. It doesn't mean I'm old. It means that I practice with people in the aging atmosphere, whether that be Social Security, medicare, medicaid, powers of attorney, etc. I just want you to know that elder lawyers and estate attorneys are two completely different animals. Elder lawyers are for live people, estate lawyers are for dead people. That's how you can know the difference. Some of us do the same work, but we have very, very different jobs, and so I'm really excited to be here today with this panel, because I think this solo ager is very often ignored and their problems are not addressed certainly as deeply and dramatically as they need to be. So thanks for having me. Glad you're here, joy, you want to go next as?
Speaker 2:deeply and dramatically, as they need to be. So thanks for having me Glad to hear Joy, you want to go next?
Speaker 4:Sure, I am the author of two books One is on family caregiving and the other is on solo aging, called who Will Take Care of Me when I'm Old. I have been in this business for over 35 years as an advocate, a keynote speaker and a business-to-business consultant, so thank you for having me.
Speaker 2:Yeah, glad you're here, peggy.
Speaker 5:Sure. Thank you for having me join you as well. I have a little bit different of a path.
Speaker 5:Lost my job in 2008, 2009, along with a lot of people, and started a business with my sister and it was a senior move business in Southern California where we moved people from their large home to assisted living facilities. And, of course, they would have these events and at the events you know, like caregivers events where everybody would speak and tell about their products and stuff and I would always ask the question I had. The questions are how do you deal with LGBT and how do you deal with people who own dogs? Because those are the the conversations that I wanted to know.
Speaker 5:This is my own curiosity what was going to happen to me if I needed to go into one of these facilities? And so afterwards I would have all these facilities asked me sort of all sorts of questions and that's how I learned the industry so fast forward. I moved up to Washington with my wife and we weren't married at the time and started working with one of my clients who I did some dog training and one of my clients and she said you know, you know this long term care industry from an LGBT perspective, probably better than anybody. I know you should do this for a living, and so really it's a story of trying to learn, so I could pass on this information to clients who were dealing with all the same things I was dealing with.
Speaker 2:That's awesome, paul.
Speaker 6:So I came to this about 10 years ago. I was always in cultural policy and arts production. I had crafted a career in consulting for arts-led economic development in urban areas and my particular scheme was to try to embed triggers so that we would stop gentrification before it began. So I was very popular with foundations until I started focusing on the gentrification piece, which they really did not want to hear, and so I was sort of coming to the end of my foundation funding for that work.
Speaker 6:Anyway, and a friend of ours, eleanor, who is a famous lesbian activist in New York City. She had created the Coalition for Lesbian and Gay Rights which got all the groups to stop fighting with each other and get the gay rights bill passed in New York City. She had a stroke and she was in a wheelchair and then she was homeless and she couch surfed on a lot of friends you know couches um, and then ended up in a nursing home and um, her partner, jay, who was a trans man, um, came in one night and found the nurse's aide, uh, sexually assaulting her vagina with some very homophobic rants, and apparently they've been going on for a couple of nights. But eleanor was too scared to like signal anything and she ended up dying from bed, sores, getting into the assault area and nothing ever happened to the nurses' aid. So this was a group of activists who got together and we said what can we do to honor her? And they recruited me to start this nonprofit that focused on welcoming housing for LGBTQ to older adults and appropriate health care.
Speaker 2:Wow, that's an amazing story, sad story. Yeah, I think that this really shows that you know and echoes what you were saying, peggy is that you know these are not standard issues that we talk about as planners and Peggy and Joy, you guys mentioned that as well is that you know it's like this is not the typical conversation. This is not a couple aging together. You know one goes in a facility, the other comes visit some on the weekend and you know most people's lives don't fit into that solo. So you know, let's talk about that a little more. You know first. You know let's define solo aging. What is solo aging?
Speaker 4:I'll be happy to jump in. Solo aging used to be you're living alone, you're either unmarried, divorced or widowed, or never been married and no children. But then we discovered that that definition was far too limiting. Solo aging includes with and without children and with family, because families easily become estranged and that one minute you could have someone surrounding you and the next minute they cut you off or you cut them off for good reason. So now the definition of solo aging is if you live long enough and people around you leave for one reason or another, you might as well begin the process of thinking about aging alone in a way of planning. It only has to do with how we planned for that. The lifestyle is not a part of it, because plenty of people live alone or are completely happy. You know, loneliness and isolation is not a part of this conversation at all.
Speaker 5:Interesting, and I would add, too, that it's also in the LGBT community it's. You can be couples that are solo agers. Because they are, they're isolated, and you can even be in a huge city is or where your house is. You don't have the resource or know who can help you, so you pretty much are charting this territory by yourself to you know, to plan, and the big fear is what does happen if I end up having to go this alone at some point in time?
Speaker 6:Yeah, and I think that it's a little different for LGBTQ folks who are connected with other LGBTQ folks and have. I'm connected because I survived full-blown AIDS and I was an AIDS activist and I was very much involved in all of the networks that provided care and support to bring the community out of this. So there are real community and network impulses in the LGBTQ community if you can connect with them.
Speaker 3:And I think that brings up a really good point that always flashes in my mind, especially if I have a client that comes in right, that's single or solo on the face of it, two things I'm always looking for is a trusted person. Do you have a trusted person? And or do you have, or can I help provide trusted resources? Not just resources, but trusted resources, and I think that's where somebody like Paul well, and even Peggy in my knowledge of what you do, peg are so much more elevated than people know, right that resources aren't just resources. They have to be trusted resources First of all, for, like a tiny example of you can get really bad information directly from the Social Security Administration, because everybody's not going to tell you the same thing. So those are the two big flashing lights I need to find trusted people to help you you know we're going to delve into that and trusted resources.
Speaker 4:You bring up a really good point, kathy. Are you saying that you can you find it possible to give trusted resources to your clients, or do you give them a way to vet people in order for them to be trusted?
Speaker 3:I mean I've been around for a long time. I've been a caregiver myself for eight different family members and friends over the last 30 years, so trusted resources are kind of my jam and my clientele. Because I'm an attorney, you know I'm only licensed in Pennsylvania, so my clientele is local right. So for me trusted resources is about people that I know and people that I trust and have vetted myself. But that's a really good point. Joy is creating a way to vet resources to see if they are trusted.
Speaker 4:Right, because there are plenty of people who are not in the care the good care of an elder law attorney and financial advisors who are trusted, and they have no way of knowing whether someone is to be trusted or not, and maybe that's something we professionals can provide as a path to finding trusted advisors.
Speaker 6:I think it's not only whether people are trusted or not, but when you haven't done any planning and you're not familiar with these systems and you wade into them, it's very hard to navigate any planning. And you're not familiar with these systems and you wade into them, it's very hard to navigate. So we actually on Stonewall Village, nyc, is our online virtual community. That is, resources and connectivity, activities, referrals. We now are adding learning pods for each of the areas where people might go for help. So rather than just providing dementia supporters, we have a dementia learning pod now where people can go and sort of get familiar with what the issues are before they try and delve in, and it's made a huge difference.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and I know Joy, and as well as I, and I'm sure Peggy too actually, but, like in my book, it's like this is the chapter on lawyers. Here's the questions you need to ask when you go in the room. If they can't answer these questions, this is not the right attorney, right. We all, I think, who are in this field and are trying to make it easier I mean, tony too, god, you have great resources, have made these, and I love that you have learning pods, paul, have made these learning places available so that we can say, at least go here. And when you ask these questions, if they can't answer them, you know you got to move on.
Speaker 2:Yeah, kathy. Quick question which of your books are you referring to?
Speaker 3:So so my book that has all the questions is this one 12 Conversations, and each chapter is a conversation with somebody your mom, your dad, your family members, your doctor, your lawyer, your financial advisor, your work right? These are the kinds of things you're going to run into as a caregiver and these are the kinds of questions you need to ask them. So that one for sure is the one I'm talking about. I mean, I also have this one, which is who moved my teeth? And yeah, paul, you like that.
Speaker 3:Everybody from the 80s and 90s likes the title. The first part is the legal bit and the legal conversations, and the second part is really all caregiving resources in terms of what can you do? You know, to entertain yourself in a nursing home with your loved one. You go every day and you kind of run out of ideas, right, things like that. So both of them have a way of making your life easier, a way of making your life easier. But again, especially with solo agers, I think it's important for us to make it easy, clear, accessible and feel doable right, not feel daunting, feel doable.
Speaker 5:Yeah, go ahead, peggy. Yeah, so to answer your question, I think it's both. It's both getting your network in your area. So most of my clients are here in Seattle and I have a WSource chapter, which I laugh because it's professional women and I say we should put a Q before it because most of us are queer women in it estate planning attorneys. I also sit on the board of GenPride, which is the West Coast version of what Paul does. We have a low-income housing and an activity center. So I'm very well networked within Seattle.
Speaker 5:But what happens and this is how I got to meet all of you is it is much easier for my clients to have me go with them when they move. So I had one of my clients is an LGBT couple who moved to Western Pennsylvania. Trans woman and her wife moved to Western Pennsylvania. No resources there.
Speaker 5:So now I know you know, I know that's when I call Kathy and joy. I don't know how many times I've called you like do you have an attorney? And I thought I think I even called you Paul because I, one of my clients in New York City, got sucked into a group of male you know, traditional male financial advisors and it was literally the most horrifying experience she had of how they dealt with her and her state when her spouse died. So it's it's they, it's having trusted people and unfortunately in our community a lot of times that's when we back down and say you know what, I, I don't know who to trust. So I have all over the all over the country, especially in those states where they don't have resources Ohio, missouri, texas, arizona. I have clients in those states because they don't know who to go to there.
Speaker 2:Well, maybe let's go deeper on trust. Actually, before we do, though, Paul, at the end, are your pods available to everyone online or are they a local resource?
Speaker 6:No, they're available to everyone. You have to join the community, but it's free.
Speaker 2:So you just have to and then they're there.
Speaker 2:OK, so I get the link from you, paul, after the show and then for everybody watching and listening you'll be able to find the link in the show notes when the show is published. Listening you'll be able to find the link in the show notes when the show is published. So you know, maybe you know let's talk about trust, because that seems to be the biggest word that's coming up is how can people, you know, what are some tools or easy ways for people to think about trust?
Speaker 4:Well, yeah, I can't help but say you need time. You need time to establish trust. That's why we talk about planning, but really what I like to do is talk about making time to think about the future, and that means we have to experiment, we have to vet people, we have to meet them, we have to test them, including times where we think, hey, maybe we can trust our friends at 2 in the morning to be there for us, and then we call them at 2 in the morning and they're not. No, no, you're calling the wrong person. Trust is about time, taking the time. It takes a long time to establish trust, so you can't do it overnight. Even though I might give somebody the name of a very reputable professional, unless that time is established for them to meet with them and ask them questions and get to know them. I don't think you can really establish trust without time.
Speaker 3:I would also say that you know, let's talk, change the way we talk about money, right, tony? It's about talking. These are conversations that people don't want to have. That seem hard and adding joy's time with conversations and you keep doing this and doing this and doing this. So if you have, for example, a financial advisor who does not want to spend time with you, who does not want to talk to you every month or every other month or whatever, and you continue, that is not the person for you, right? If you need that, if you need a lawyer that you really want to spend time with, and you have to establish how is this going to cost me? Right to spend this time with you, but I need to understand what you're going to do for me, why I need to have this done, et cetera, et cetera. These are timely-based conversations. They're not a one-size-fits-all financial plan or legal plan or a beneficiary plan. They're not and they shouldn't be. And if they are, then there's something not right.
Speaker 6:I also think providers need to be really careful about being empowering as they're giving information, because sometimes you get a financial person and they start talking, and we just had this the other day. We're um, we're researching on different mechanisms for donating homes and what the different tax implications are, and um and I got lost a couple of times and I didn't. I didn't feel comfortable saying I'm lost and so I just counted on the person that was with me on the call not to get lost. Thankfully he didn't, but if someone's just not cognizant of that sort of disempowering effect, it can be really off-putting To add to that.
Speaker 5:Paul, I would say that they it's. I always ask this question when the because my clients get the, and even the spouse, the spouse, the family members, don't worry, we'll take care of you and I say you go back and you ask that question. What does that mean? You go back and you ask that question. What does that mean? And you also break it down what is the difference between? If you have siblings, what is the difference between me and my siblings? Is my situation different? It's a hard question and likewise I expect my clients to ask that of me, and also children ask your parents. You know what is the expectation you have with me in your situation. So it's a clear conversation and not jargon talk. Uh, cause that's, you know, that's the.
Speaker 5:The thing that um happened. I saw one real big shift in my practice and this is why I moved my practice now to uh be financial planning based uh with, uh with and leading with the LGBT was because written plans and having something that they can share between each other and their family members about this is what we're doing to take care of me. So they have that by adding just the word written plan in it. A lot of my clients are like now I feel better because I know what's expected and it's written in plain English. It's not written in, you know, it's not 10 million Monte Carlo simulations and all this stuff that it goes over their head. It's more like if this happens, if a happens to me, this is what I'm asking you to do.
Speaker 2:And I want to backtrack to well, I think this all relates, but, paul, especially to what you said. It's a language that a lot of people use in our industry just is not helpful for people in the way we, some advisors, talk to people. But I think the warning sign and I think I've heard this from all of you is that if you hear these things and like the couple you were talking about, peggy, that moved to New York is, if you're not feeling comfortable, that should be one of your first warning signs. Your advisors that's what I tell people your advisors work for you. You're paying for their time If they're condescending to you or they're not willing to clarify. You know because, paul, what you said is so many people don't want to say I don't understand what you just said. I don't understand that term because I don't want to seem like, hey, I should know that term. So I think that is a clear warning sign. Ask the questions, like Kathy's talking about.
Speaker 3:But again, like Joy said, go back Like I went home, I thought about it. I got some questions like that didn't sit well with me or I wasn't clear or whatever. This is a continuous and should be conversation. I always tell people when you fill out powers of attorney and make your will and do your advanced directives, this is not written in stone. You can change this as many times as you need to, and life changes, people change, things change.
Speaker 3:Do not sit on a will that you've had for 30 years and think this is the awesome thing I'm going to do. Do not sit on a power of attorney that you made in an emergency because you were taking a trip and you just picked your next door neighbor because they were convenient at the time. You have to be as responsible about the fact that you have beneficiary designations that you made 15 years ago legal documents that you made. You have to look at them, you have to clarify them and you got to talk to an attorney who does this in conjunction with your financial advisor and or your insurance people, which I think we sort of started this out by saying. Professionals should be talking across the board for you. Your people should talk to each other, and if they won't do that, they're not your people.
Speaker 4:That's right.
Speaker 4:I can't agree more, and this goes for our healthcare providers as well, because we're changing physically and mentally and we may be with healthcare providers that we've been with for a while.
Speaker 4:But I will tell you, just this week I changed a dentist that I've been with for a while because I started to see that I was asking questions and he was looking at me sideways and all of a sudden, out of nowhere, I trusted my gut and I said I need to move on to somebody who gets what I need now in my life. And so I changed dentists just this week and it wasn't fun, but I contacted a lot of people that I trust, who are my age and older, and I said who's your dentist and why do you like him or her? And I finally went to one yesterday and I'm done. But you see, in all areas of our life we have to continuously put up our radar and say do I trust this person? Is what's going on with me right now pertinent to the relationship I have with my advisor? And if not, we have to ask questions of them and ourselves.
Speaker 5:You know that. Look, you said you got from your dentist. Yeah, that's that, look, that they don't know. They have this thing that they don't know. But here's one thing that a lot of professionals will say they won't say the word I don't know.
Speaker 5:And then, you know, they'll basically just talk themselves out of it or, you know, start again, start using jargon and they're afraid to say I don't, I don't know, but let me find out for you, and that's why I have the resources here. It's like I don't know. Let me call Kathy and say hey, kathy, this is what's going on with this client. Are they off base, and you know. And then it'll be like, or, or how can I help them? But there's a lot of financial advisors or planners especially, that won't do that because they're afraid they're going to lose assets or lose a client. But they're going to eventually lose them.
Speaker 4:Yeah, yeah. If they had said, or someone says to me, I don't know, but I will get you the answer and I'll bring that person in and together we could all work it out, I would never I would. I would trust that person a hundred percent. But for somebody to, just like you said, start talking real fast and using jargon, it's like, oh God, I know they're out of there, I'm out of here. We just can't afford that at this stage, or any stage for that matter.
Speaker 2:You know and I think that's a really simple tool that people can use is, beware the person who doesn't say I don't know, because nobody knows everything. And I think for some of us on this call who've been I think all of us have been in our careers for 10 plus years we'll say you know, are definitely not afraid to say I don't know.
Speaker 3:I've set a boatload in my career. I would say that the one thing that we all can do, both individually with ourselves, our clients, our family members and as a profession, is continue to make education at the forefront. I would be very interested, paul, to hear about because I think you're in a unique position in this group here about community outreach with education and you said too, peggy, because of the organizations that you're a part of and how you use education as a tool to help solo agers to help solo agers.
Speaker 6:Well, excuse me, we are actually trying to launch two innovative programs.
Speaker 6:So our goal of creating LGBTQ senior housing is thwarted by the fair housing law, which does not allow us to do set-asides for LGBTQ folks.
Speaker 6:So everything we're doing is kind of innovative to be able to sidestep some of these issues, and mainly that translates to private contracts rather than government contracts.
Speaker 6:So one of the things that we're pushing is the Stonewall Bridge, which is based on the idea that we have this elder population of LGBTQ folks who have a shared lived experience of fighting oppression, a history of building networks of care and support for ourselves.
Speaker 6:We have creativity and resilience, we're not afraid to try new things, and we also have a bunch of baby boomers with highly appreciated real estate assets.
Speaker 6:No one to take care of them and no one to leave their assets to. So that's the community formula and training young millennial LGBTQ folks who don't have any career path to be awesome home care attendants and allow for folks who are accessing our care to also donate their homes to us, live on an annuity, access the care and know that when they pass, their home is passing into a community properties portfolio that's being held in perpetual affordability. We think that there's a huge market there, but it requires a lot of education, not only of the community that these are actually options and you can believe in your vision and do something awesome that's going to put us leaps and bounds ahead of the rest of the country and bounds ahead of the rest of the country but also to tax advisors and estate attorneys that this is. If we can teach this group of folks, it's a whole new stable of clients who will be very directed and really understand what's going on.
Speaker 3:That's an amazing model, Paul. Thank you for sharing that. Oh my God, I love hearing about that. I'm going to make you tell me more and we're doing.
Speaker 5:Ours is coming from a different angle. We're coming from the area and what we have in the situation in Seattle is also queering intersectional elders, so those that are from underserved and underrepresented population who also happen to be gay. You know, and you talk about a missing community that needs access and help and support. It's people of color and Black, trans, women, I mean. Those are the people who need access and help and support and philanthropically, the community does like to help the community and so just sharing where the resources are. You know who's doing that work so they can find those trusted contacts and find people who they can talk to. You know, gaslighting is alive and well and unfortunately in a lot of the stuff that we do, especially in financial services, because it's transactional based, so that's how people make money. So again, how do we earn the trust across several communities to let them know that there are folks that are dedicated to do this work and help them? So I think I'm hearing a lot about communities.
Speaker 2:But just before we move on to, I think, communities is Peggy, could you define gaslighting, Because I know we hear it but I'm not sure everybody always knows what gaslighting actually means.
Speaker 5:It's basically the way you talk yourself out. It's a it's a nice way to say lying um, but it's it is. They'll talk circles around it to make it sound like the problem it, we're not the problem. The situation is not the problem, the uh uh, it is you're the problem, we're the problem, you know. So this is where we get a lot of the othering uh, that happens is that you know our systems are all, they're all fine, you're the issue, and that happens a lot in marginalized communities.
Speaker 5:And that's where, too, where a lot of marginalized community people, folks, will walk out of the room and just say I don't think I'm getting a straight answer of what I can do or where I can go, and so I, or where I can go, and so I just, I just leave, because that's, you know, they're talking circles. Are you really going to take care of me? That's the don't worry. Don't worry, your pretty little head, we'll take care of you, you'll be all taken care of. We've got these systems in place. You know, we've got a great Medicare system. We've got a great Medicare system. We've got a great Medicaid system. We have this, we have that, and and they walk out feeling like I don't know whether I'm going to be okay or I'm going to be worse.
Speaker 2:I think that's so important, you know. I mean, you know, I mean we could probably spend the rest of the show talking about this topic. But you know, I think this gets back to trust, is, you know, like you're talking about if somebody feels like they're not getting you? And I think this gets back to what we're talking about, paul. And I think, paul, what you're talking about building is that community is so important, is that you have to sort of find your community as well. I mean, do you all agree that the community is an important part of the trust question?
Speaker 3:agree that the community is an important part of the trust question. I think there's so many layers here of solo agers. I mean. We've got people with plenty of funds who are solo agers and are still unprepared. We've got people with no funds who don't even know how to get to resources, to get prepared and everything in between. Right, and because this is sort of foundationally about money, and money is really important in this conversation, I think it is like I said as an attorney, especially because I'm. I mean, I start at the let's do a power of attorney, let's find someone who can take care of you if you can't take care of yourself, either temporarily or permanently, and that's the trusted person. So I'm always panicked about that because it doesn't mean a family member is a trusted person, right?
Speaker 2:Family members are responsible for a lot of elder abuse. I'm not sure the percentages, but it's pretty high.
Speaker 3:Yes, and then we have this financial picture over here where they haven't talked about, as Peggy said, what do you actually want? Do you want me? Do you want to live with me? Do you want to go to a facility? Do you want me to bring in someone for home care? What have you done about that in terms of a long-term care policy or how we're going to use your assets, or like a written plan for that would be awesome, right, and, of course, the best laid plans, right.
Speaker 3:Things happen in ways you don't suspect and then you're in a whole different place, but at least you have sort of a context of what that person might have wanted. But you always need another person to take care of the stuff, to be doing the things, and I think you know we go from Paul's conversation about how housing can just be the biggest problem to we got a lot of people with big, huge houses that are worth a lot of money and they don't really know what to do with that. Can we start bringing I mean, this is a policy question that's this big and a personal question that's this big and honestly, I find it overwhelming all the time, but it always, for me, comes back to? Can we start with trusted people to put you in a place where, if something happens to you, we have a plan? That may or may not work, but at least we talked about it.
Speaker 2:To have a plan right.
Speaker 4:Well, the four-letter word here is talk, and that's because nobody talks to anybody else about money, especially within friends and family. So now we have a taboo that's as old as time about the unwillingness to talk about money, to bring it up and to face the possibility that the other person will say that's none of your business, do not talk to me about my money, we're not going there. It is such a dilemma in the way we were brought up and the way we were taught. It's taboo, end of story, don't go there.
Speaker 4:So here we are trying to talk about people talking about planning. Money is the number one conversation they're going to have, whether they know it or not, and yet they can't get that word out. They can't get the money word out when they're going to have a conversation. And we are in a real dilemma as to how to help people talk about money, whether they're talking about it with their friends, because solo agers will certainly be looking at their friends and possibly take care of each other and, of course, family, if there are any around as we grow older. Now what? How do we do this?
Speaker 3:What's interesting about that is financial advisors don't talk about it and they're the money people.
Speaker 5:That's because they're afraid of subjects like this. That makes me insane. My favorite one, though, joy is, and the people who do talk about it, or the way they talk about it. It's the if I were you, so here's this. You know, I think of my, my brother-in-law, my white brother-in-law. You know who's who's.
Speaker 5:Uh, I wouldn't call him progressive, was like if I were you, I would do this and I'm looking at him going okay, you're giving advice to you know a gay woman who is, you know, you know dealing with things that you have no clue, that I'm dealing with you, know so and that's I call that coffee pot planning or church planning. You know, everybody who goes to the same church together. All of a sudden they have the same plan and it's like that doesn't work very well. So it's individualized listening too.
Speaker 3:But there's some stat that says something like 70% of financial advisors never bring up a long-term care conversation.
Speaker 6:Oh, because it's such a conversation to have Long-term care is disintegrating in front of our eyes.
Speaker 2:And 90% of them won't talk about debt front of our eyes and 90% of them won't talk about debt. Yeah Well, this has been such an awesome conversation we could probably go on for another hour. Fortunately, we need to wrap it up. So to wrap up is what are your number one tips on changing the way we think about solo agents? Peggy, you want to watch him?
Speaker 5:Sure Number one is find your people. Find the people that are in your world and have those conversations and talk about what you can do to support each other. You know, in our community we call it the chosen family. Find your chosen family and do that. And the other myth is you are not a burden you are not a burden.
Speaker 5:You need to. You need to ask those questions. By not by by not asking those questions, then you become a burden. So you need to let people know exactly what you need and how you need help and how you can help them.
Speaker 2:That is awesome, joy, you want to go next?
Speaker 4:My favorite tip is plan as though you are already aging solo, and you'll have an incredible peace of mind. Just assume that that that is how our lives are going to go at any any given time, because we all know death comes around the corner, whether we realize it or not. So I always like to plan as though I am already aging solo.
Speaker 6:That's awesome, I would say. I think a lot of people think of planning as about death and people are living so much longer these days that if people started thinking of planning as what is my last 20 years going to be like and how will I have a fulfilling last 20 years, the conversation will be very different.
Speaker 3:I love that, Paul. That's so. Yes, we have to refocus that planning word to being not for death, but before death. Yeah, that's awesome. I would say my favorite thing is invest in education, about planning, whether it's investing time or money, but invest. Just take some time to please educate yourself. And I'm always going to say, because I'm the lawyer in the room please, for the love of God, update your powers of attorney, both financial and health care, your wills and your advanced directives, and check all your beneficiaries. Make sure they're not old, please.
Speaker 6:Talking directly to me, 1995, when I had full blown AIDS, I did the whole package and it hasn't been looked at since then oh, you're not alone, that's how I know that.
Speaker 3:But please, please, please tell me. I'm gonna call you next week and I'm gonna say did you do this yet?
Speaker 5:okay and I always say that you're, you're, you know the power of attorney. Peace is so important and I tell this to my wife and they go well, we're married and I say yeah, but you know, what you don't carry your marriage certificate, and unfortunately we both have different last names. We're two women, and the industries that we are going to help sometimes don't understand that and aren't willing to listen to that.
Speaker 3:Tony, I know you want to stop this, I know it's time, but I got to say this. I have to say this the SECURE Act, iras, 401ks it does not matter if you're married. These things are owned by one person, and one person only legally, and the only way your spouse will have access is through a power of attorney. So if you don't have that, the person isn't trusted or they're not alive or whatever reason. If you don't have a power of attorney, nobody has access to probably your biggest savings piece, which is your 401k, your IRA, your 403b. So right there, that teeny, tiny thing is why it's so critical.
Speaker 2:That's awesome. This has been an amazing conversation. I'm going to give a shout out to myself for the Get Ready system. So anybody who subscribes to my newsletter gets weekly tips with a goal that you monitor and view all areas of your financial life. And one of the tips weekly tip that you'll get every summer review the beneficiaries on your insurance and retirement plans. Another tip is to review your powers of attorney and advance directives. So if you want an easy way to remember this stuff, subscribe to my newsletter. It's free. So to wrap up just real quick where can people connect with each of you? I'll include links to your social media profiles and websites in the show notes.
Speaker 3:Email is my best. My website is under construction, but, kathy Sikorsky, my email is kathysikorsky at gmailcom. Email me anybody. I'm always open for questions. When on LinkedIn too right, oh, linkedin, yeah, I love LinkedIn.
Speaker 5:Fantastic. Likewise, I'm on LinkedIn and my QR code, which is up there. It actually goes right to setting an appointment if you want to do that. And planning for good website is the website for our firm and we're on both coasts, so we're bi-coastal. Lgbt owned financial planning practice.
Speaker 6:Awesome, and my corporate overall website is stonewallcdcorg. That's CDC for Community Development Corporation, and we just had our website redesigned by the person who designs and runs the NIH website for the federal government. So our website is. And then StonewallVillageNYCorg is the platform.
Speaker 2:Fantastic.
Speaker 4:So I'm also on LinkedIn, Joy Laverty, and my website is elderindustrycom.
Speaker 2:Fantastic. Well, thank you everyone for joining me today on this episode of the Get Ready Money podcast. Appreciate your time and insights.
Speaker 4:Thank you, tony, this has been awesome.
Speaker 2:Thanks so much yeah this was an amazing conversation.
Speaker 5:Sorry, kathy, I think we could have gone on for hours, Tony. This has been awesome. Yeah, this is an amazing conversation. Sorry, Kathy, I think we could have gone on for hours actually.
Speaker 2:So, and I hope for everybody tuning in, that you were able to pick up something to help you change the way you think about money and solo aging. So, as always, thank you for tuning in to the Get Ready Money podcast. If you learned something today, please be sure to subscribe to this podcast and to share with a friend Until next time.
