How Curiosity Helps Rewire Your Relationship With Money

Better money decisions begin when we slow down enough to understand ourselves.

On this episode of Get Ready Before Life Happens, Tony sits down with DonJay Rice to explore how curiosity, reflection, and emotional awareness can help rewire the way we think about money.

From scarcity mindset and workaholism to gratitude and values alignment, this conversation highlights how financial healing begins with asking better questions and taking one small step at a time.

Key Takeaways

🔹 Take time to recognize and celebrate our wins 

🔹 Our money behaviors are often rooted in childhood experiences

🔹 High achievement can sometimes mask fear and scarcity

🔹 Curiosity is a powerful tool for uncovering what is really driving behavior.

🔹 Silence creates space for truth in conversations.

🔹 Financial change happens through small, consistent improvements.

🔹 Understanding what is true today helps loosen the grip of old beliefs.

🔹 Aligning money decisions with values leads to greater life satisfaction.

🧠 Tony’s Take

Money and emotions are deeply connected. When we slow down, get curious, and stop judging ourselves, we begin to shift from reacting out of fear to making decisions that reflect our values and goals.

Connect with DonJay Rice, FBS:

• Drumbeat Of Wealth Website: https://www.drumbeatofwealth.com
• LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/donjay-rice-fbs®-36950a297/
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61551358480000
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drumbeatofwealth/?hl=en

Resources mentioned:

• The Enneagram Institute: https://www.enneagraminstitute.com

Bio: 

DonJay Rice is a Certified Financial Behavior Specialist. With that title he works with clients, couples and families to heal and create a path forward when their relationship with money becomes unhealthy. He is also a public speaker who leads audiences to discover how money behaviors impact relationships with others as well as the relationship they have with themselves.

DonJay is a Certified Christian Life Coach through the American Association of Christian Counselors. A certified Enneagram Coach and a Certified Trauma Coach. He has been a guest on several international podcasts and has written articles for the Journal of Financial Planning. He holds a Masters Cert in Financial Psychology and Behavioral Finance from Creighton University.

Prior to being a Financial Behavior Specialist/Coach, DonJay was a financial advisor for 28 years, developing a special niche in working with clients where money behaviors were entangled with past or present, grief and trauma.

Working for a brokerage firm with over 19,000 advisors. DonJay grew his practice from zero clients, zero assets and zero leads to be in the top 2% of the firm in terms of annual gross production. DonJay also consistently scored in the top 10% of the firm in terms of client satisfaction surveys while performing several volunteer leadership roles within the organization.

That is what he DOES, or has done, but it doesn’t describe who DonJay IS? So, who is DonJay Rice? His family and close friends describe him as: Kind, Optimistic, Creative, Generous, Vulnerable, and a heart filled with Empathy.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:16

When we understand how emotions and experiences shape our money decisions, empowerment follows. Welcome to Get Ready Before Life Happens. I'm your host, Tony Stewart. Today I'm joined by Don Jay Rice. Don Jay, welcome to the podcast.

SPEAKER_00 0:33

Hey, Tony. Thanks for having me.

SPEAKER_01 0:35

Yeah, excited. This conversation has been a long time coming. You know, I've I've wanted to have you on the show for quite a long time and just hadn't made it happen. So I'm glad you're here today and excited to share your story with everyone out there. So tell us a little bit about yourself. What is your origin story?

SPEAKER_00 0:53

Yeah, so my origin story uh was one that uh basically had a lot of uh grief and childhood trauma. And in that money message uh that came out of that was if if I just succeed enough, you know, if I just achieve enough, uh, if I just set goals and knock them down, not only can I block all that grief and trauma from my brain because it doesn't have time for it, but I was praised for it. Uh it got me out of a uh poverty and and it and it did all these great things. So it must be a good thing, right? It was working until it didn't work, until I realized I still had a scarcity mindset that I was running, uh, you know, knocking these goals down out of fear. Um and so, but on the outside, boy, it looked great. You know, here's a here's a guy who's who's crushing the world, but little did they know my my money beliefs and and fear and all that type of thing was crushing me inside.

SPEAKER_01 1:58

That's very interesting because as you think about it, is you know, I I think that is something that's common with a lot of high achievers, is that there's a lot going on in the background and they use it as a masking tool. So, you know, for somebody who's listening, who that that's immediately resonating with is what was the moment for you where you go, boy, this is this is what's happening for me. This is what's going on.

SPEAKER_00 2:24

Yeah. So um, so for me, that and it was it was a wake-up call that happened for me over stages. Uh but the first stage, um, which is is uh um it was it was Father's Day, and and my two daughters had something really special planned for me at home after after church that day. And uh they were they were uh as we got home from church and we had dinner, you know, they were doing what kids do. They're goofing around, they're laughing, they're joking. And I remember getting activated. And I told them, like, come on, guys, we gotta hurry up and get this over with because dad needs to go to work. And and so, and so they did. And I went to work, and in my I was a financial advisor at the time, and and so I'm doing all my work that's on my desk, and it's nice and quiet. And that's sometimes when our wake up, usually when our wake-up call happens to us in the stillness and the quiet. And I thought, what have I done? Like, what have I done? And what am I doing? And so that was really the first wake-up call to like, there's something more going on here than just this setting goals, knocking them down, and being this successful person. There's something else driving it.

SPEAKER_01 3:49

Well, it sounds then like a signal too, is you know, if you're piling on so many things that you don't have that fight and stillness is because I think sometimes, you know, we mistake activity for you know inner peace. And you know, I I think that's something, you know, is because there's a lot of factors that give us a drive to succeed as one society. I think have our society and culture, you know, have to be busy. And that's not necessarily true, is you know, we're all running faster, but it does seem like we're getting anywhere.

SPEAKER_00 4:29

Yeah, yeah. Um a little bit louder for the people in the back, huh? So um, but yeah, that's exactly right. I mean, we as a society, we've all gotten so busy and we praise it, you know. If I call you and say, hey, Tony, what's tell me what's happening? You're like, oh, first thing you may say, I'm really busy. You know, like that's something to brag about, you know, um, like it's this badge of honor. And and we really have got to, and we've gotten so busy, we don't even think about our thoughts.

SPEAKER_02 5:02

Right.

SPEAKER_00 5:02

So we don't even think about why did I think that? Where did that come from? And so we're just reacting all day long, right? And so we really need to get better about creating space, you know, creating some, even if it's just five minutes of just solitude, um, of becoming more aware of what we're doing, what we're thinking, what we're feeling. And that's how we're really going to grow, whether it be in money or relationships, um, you know, in life.

SPEAKER_01 5:35

Yeah. Well, it it's taking that time, as you point out, to reflect. And I think for a lot of us, is it's scary to take that time and reflect.

SPEAKER_00 5:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 5:47

Yeah, that's yeah.

SPEAKER_00 5:49

I I saw that in my story too, Tony. I I remember as I was going through uh therapy for all this achievement, this workaholism, right? Which is a money disorder. Um, and so I was going through therapy for that, and I remember my therapist telling me or asking me, like, how many things are on your to-do list? It happened to be a Friday. How many things are on your to-do list for tomorrow? And I pulled up my phone real quick, you know, because I always keep them on my phone. And there was probably at least 20 for a Saturday, you know. And she said, What if for just this Saturday you didn't do any of those things? Like I said, all those things will wait. And you took time to fish or sit at the fire pit and just sit there and and tell me I immediately began crying. And and she said, Tell me what those tears represent. I said, They represent that I'm scared of what I'll think of. And I think that's many of your listeners, you know. We've just uh told to push and strive and put all those emotions aside and um don't think about why I'm doing this or why I'm doing that or that old wound. Um and and part of it is it's a little scary for us to go there. Um, we need to realize that won't crush us, that won't cripple us. Um, and we need to we need to push past that fear to see what it would be like to be on the other side of that.

SPEAKER_01 7:23

Yeah, I think that's so important is you know, to push past the fear, but that's scary for people. So when do they get to that point? Is you know, like so if you're working with your clients, is you know, and and they go, okay, I'm there. I realize I have this fear. Is what advice do you give them to start moving past the fear?

SPEAKER_00 7:44

Yeah. So that so I have an exercise where we talk about um, I have 15 soothing statements. And so it's reading those and finding maybe three or four that will really connect with who they are. Um, I do work in the Enneagram, so a lot of those statements are based on the Enneagram, right? So somebody might look at those and say, well, that's for a uh Enneagram seven. That that well that doesn't resonate with me. But then they come across their Enneagram and they're like, oh, these two resonate. I'm like, well, that's because they're based on your Enneagram, right? And so soothing statements are good. Um, and to just lean in, right? We don't have to, we don't have to plunge in to the deep end of the pool when it comes to this type of stuff, but start leaning in. What if you took five minutes? What would five minutes look like? Surely five minutes will not, you know, do the damage you think it will do. And then we start to go, oh wow, that wasn't so bad. I mean, I might have had a tough thought, but here we are again. Right. And so creating space and creating curiosity and working against shame, you know, um, a lot of these things that keep us captive is because of shame. You know, my story I just told you about Father's Day, for the longest time, Tony, I didn't tell anybody. I mean, what father does that? Right. But sharing it, and the more I share it, and sharing it in this public manner right now, it dissolves all shame. Like it's out there, right? Say what you will. But then what we start to see is people go, wow, I I can see. I can see how that'd be tough, right? Or I've done something similar to that, right? And so finding that group, one of the first things I I work with with my clients is um tell me two or three friends that will call your crew, you know, those real tight-knit people with you, that no matter what you told them, they wouldn't gasp. Right? They wouldn't be like, oh my. They wouldn't try to fix it and they wouldn't dismiss it. Now let's let's test the waters with them. Let's share just one little thing. How did that go? Yeah, they didn't they did what I thought they would. They didn't dismiss it, they didn't judge it, they didn't try to fix it. One of them said, Yeah, me too. Okay. So so it's really about creating space, leaning in to do that, curiosity, you know, just being this non-judgmental detective of ourselves, and then um really working on our shame.

SPEAKER_01 10:20

I love that be a non-judgmental detective of ourselves. I I'm making a note uh because I think that's very uh apt, is that you you do have to examine this. And I I think a lot of us, it's scary to examine yourself because then you have to come up with reality. But also what you said is about talking about it is it takes takes away its power. And I think that's a big thing is that when we're feeling that shame, is we have to take away the power of the shame because keeping it to ourselves can sometimes be hard. And, you know, that doesn't mean necessarily for some people, you know, like uh, you know, talking on podcasts, you know, that for some people that might be a step too far is you know, start off with therapy, start off with talking, like you suggested, with your trusted circle. Um, you know, take take that small step. And I think that's the other thing you said is that it's all about the small steps. Yeah is, you know, you can't do this all at once. It's impossible.

SPEAKER_00 11:24

Yeah, no, no, no. You've got to treat it, you know, in layers. You've got to treat it in layers. So, and just learn to lean in as opposed to like say, jump in the deep end of the pool all at once.

SPEAKER_01 11:37

Yeah. And I I do want to go back. Can you tell us a little bit more about what an Enneagram is and how you're using it?

SPEAKER_00 11:44

Oh, sure. Yeah. So um, so Enneagram is uh think of it like a personality assessment, but it it goes deeper than that. So the Enneagram is is there's there's nine basic styles, right? We all have little deviations from that, um, which are called wings. Um, but there's nine basic styles. But what the Enneagram does is rather than say, like, let's say you were to do a personality assessment, and I said, Oh, you're an extrovert, you might go, well, no surprise there, thanks a lot, right? But why are you an extrovert? Right? What did that? What in in being that uh can be a superpower for you? And what can be a liability? And so that's what the Enneagram looks at is not only what makeup are you, um, but how do you act when you're in alignment? How do you act when you're out of alignment? And what things do you do uh when you're stressed, um, when that action doesn't work, what do you flip to? And so that's a lot of what the Enneagram looks looks at. And I look at it through not only we have our Enneagram, uh, but they estimate about 30% of the people, like you know, you may have some of your listeners right now that are typing and and they're going, let's look this up, let's take this test. I love tests, you know, I love assessments. Um, 30% actually of people that take the Enneagram assessment are mistyped. And and what's yeah, and and and what's interesting about that is because sometimes what happens is if we spend a lot of time at work or we spend a lot of time as a stay-at-home parent or whatever it might be, um, we might be expected to perform a certain way, right? Um, I might be at work always expected to be the one who grabs the ball and runs with it and charges ahead, right? And take, you know, just takes charge and goes. And so I'll answer those questions in a way in which I, you know, I mainly perform, even though it's not my go-to. And so I might say I'm an Ennegram eight. Well, what's interesting with that, I I so I let them do the assessment and then I take them through what I call mistyping questions. And then once we've misseen, well, are they an eight or are they a seven with maybe an eight wing, whatever it might be, then I take them through the Enneagram with money. This is how you behave in money if you're this Enneagram, right? And it's all kind of a funnel, weeding down process. And what's interesting about that is it's such a revealer of our true Enneagram because a lot of us never think about how we react with money. So it's the first time my clients have ever thought of when I'm in balance with money, when I'm out of balance with money, when I don't feel loved, I do this with money. When I don't feel listened to, I do this with money. And I've had so many clients tell me, how are you in my head so perfectly right now? It's it's called the Ennegram. So it's that's how I use it in my coaching. And then from there, finding out who we are, okay, that's good. But then what we do is once we're in that Enneagram, can we see how that has affected our money story? Can we see maybe some past things that happened in our life that affected our Enneagram and how it all weaves together? And then working in exercises that bring us into better balance with our money and the Enneagram, along with other exercises I do with them. But that's how the Enneagram fits in.

SPEAKER_01 15:32

Well, that's really interesting. For everybody watching and listening, I'll have a link to where you can take the Enneagram, uh, I guess quiz test. I'm not sure the word.

SPEAKER_00 15:42

I think they call it an assessment.

SPEAKER_01 15:44

Assessment. And to your website, of course, so people can uh check it out and check out the services that you offer. Um, but I think that this is interesting, and you said something that, you know, I I think is fascinating is that if you take the test based on the expectations that people have of you or you think they have of you, you are gonna get thrown off. And that's the key is that so many people are trying to live up to a certain role. And we talk about authenticity is huge. I did an episode just about authenticity, because I think, you know, one, you're the only person that can be yourself, and you you're gonna be the best at being yourself uh rather than anyone else. So I think I think it's fascinating that you're talking about that, that you know, how that authenticity shows up rather than the role that you think that you're supposed to play. And I think for women, especially, this is really hard because women are expected to be mothers, they're expected to be employees, they're expected to be caregivers. And, you know, so they're carrying around a lot of roles and a lot of expectations. So, you know, so people have gone through this, they start to discover who they are, you know, what's important to them is how do they, you know, we you start to talk about it as you create space, you reflect on it, you take a couple small steps, but you know, that's still going to be really scary for some people is, you know, how do you start to deal with that fear and to move forward?

SPEAKER_00 17:20

Yeah, a big part of that is just recognizing and celebrating wins. And we we are so terrible that about that in our society, right? Um, and so just the fact that you're like, wow, I sat five minutes and it didn't crush me. I sat in solitude. That's a win, like celebrate that, right? But our negativity bias, right, uh has us so focused on what's wrong that we don't even give space for the wins. So we've got to celebrate the wins. I had a had a coach tell me at one point, I had a business coach, and he said, celebrate any and all improvement. And if we just recognize, like, hey, wow, I didn't know this about myself yesterday, I understand that today. I don't know what I'm gonna do with it yet, but I recognize it. That's a win. That's a win, right? We should celebrate that. And so I think about um when I was a financial advisor, I did a lot of role-playing with new advisors and training them. And so I always had this thing that after we role played, I told them, okay, you've got to name three things you did right, and one thing you want to work on. And I tell them that before we role-played. So we'd role play, and I'd say, okay, let's let's evaluate. They'd immediately jump to the to one thing they needed to work on. And that one thing didn't become one thing, it became five. You know, and so you had to keep redirecting until they learned the process of like, let's celebrate the wins first. And let's let's look at one thing we need to work on. Not 20, because we're not gonna do it. We're just gonna beat ourselves up. But what's one thing we can work on starting today?

SPEAKER_01 19:13

So I I like that. What's one thing we can work on uh starting today? Um it this makes me think of, you know, uh in the NCAA championships, and this is gonna be dated when the podcast episode comes out, but you know, um, there was an upset of Duke, and you know, because a player hit the game-winning shot, and a player for Duke, who had missed a shot right before, took all the blame for it. And the posts that I read really put in perspective because they were like, well, wait a minute, there were a lot of missed playups during the game, there were a lot of missed passes, there were a lot of other things that it was a team effort to lose. You know, it's somebody's gotta win, somebody's gotta lose. But it wasn't just the one shot at the end, and it wasn't just the one missed at the end, that it was the culmination of all these events. And that's kind of what I'm thinking, you know, that that's often missed is because it's like, yeah, the the end effort, you know, especially in the NCAA championship, of course, is big in a ramification, but it it it it's the little things that added up to that. So, yeah, I find it fascinating.

SPEAKER_00 20:28

Yeah, and that was a great game. And the winning shot was made by an Indiana boy, by the way. So just pointing that out since I'm from Indiana. Um, but um, but yeah, I mean, we do that in life, don't we? I mean, that's it's a great analogy you paint there, Tony, because we do that in life. We want to, we want to look and say, well, if this one thing hadn't happened, right, um that whole trajectory would have changed. Really? I'm you know, is is life really that simple? Is life really that non-interwoven and interconnected and and just not complex? No, it's there's a lot of things that you know um bring us to change and bring us to those moments. And we need to stop beating ourselves up. You know, I work with with uh parents that financially enable children. And you know, usually, usually what happens there is, well, this one incident, and usually it was the last incident, right? The last shot, right? Or the last misshot. Um, that this is how it all happened. No, it happened some other things. And and and from that standpoint too, you know, there's so many things that influence and impact us, you know, whether we're parents or whether we're financial advisors, whatever we might be. There's so many things that are feeding our these messages to say it's just one thing. As one of my friends once said, if you think the answer to a complex problem is simple, you don't even understand the question.

SPEAKER_01 22:11

I love that. If you think the answer to a complex problem is simple, you don't understand it. Because I I think that's true, is you know, is that that a lot of these things, there's not an easy solution. And so when we're dealing with our own money stories and all these other things. And I want to go back to something that you said too about, you know, the Enneagram and all that part, is that you didn't really talk about money until the very end. And money is more a result of all these other things that we have going on, but it just shows up in money, but it shows up in other areas of our life. And um, that's the thing is money just plays a role in our lives. Um, so you know, just to flip back to one of the questions that is, you know, talking about emotions, you know, you have a client, they come in, they just want to talk about numbers. How do you start that conversation about emotions when somebody just wants to focus on the numbers?

SPEAKER_00 23:18

Boy, it's a that's a great question, Tony. And I get that often with financial advisors. It's like, well, that all sounds good, but how do I do it? You know, um and so it starts, it's a process, and it starts with really the advisor eating their own cooking. You know, have they sat with their own emotions around money? And you can't really walk with someone else unless you've done some walking too. And so um, so I think it's it's the financial advisor really saying, you know, what are my emotions around money? Where did those come from? Um, when do they act a little unhealthy? Um, and so really understanding their stuff, right? Um, and then I think the next step for advisors would be to have a feelings wheel on your on your conference table, or if you do a lot of Zoom meetings, right? Say, hey, I'm gonna show you a screen. I've always got this handy. Um, it's called a feelings wheel. We might refer to it as we talk together. And if you ever want me to flip it up here, just say the word. Okay, right. You know, nonchalant. Don't make it a big drama deal. And then the advisor can use the wheel in front of the client. Right? Be that example, and they could do that to describe their own emotions in a situation. Um, don't make it forced or salesy or sound like some you know script they're reading from. Um, but also they can use it with the client as far as when the client maybe gets quiet. They could pick up, they could say, you seem a little nervous, you seem a little apprehensive. And you notice I say the word seem. Think of seem, feel, words, words that don't judge you. Because uh seems, I'm saying it well from my where I said it seems. Not saying it is, it seems you seem, and then a little, right? We always want to underplay the emotion. I don't want to say, Tony, you're frantic right now, right? I mean, that's like telling you to calm down. That doesn't work, right? Um, it only works in the movies. So you seem a little nervous, put it in the form of a question, and it's okay if you guess wrong. This is actually a CIA strategy. CIA, yeah, yeah. So see people in the CIA are trained that if you really want the truth out of someone, you actually guess wrong. Right? So I might, I might um, if I want to know uh how much a cabbie's paid or or or someone's salary, you don't say, well, what's your salary? You might say, hey, I heard they pay people in your position like 150,000 a year. I heard you guys just got a huge raise. No, that's not true. We don't get paid over 40. We we've got a natural tendency to correct. So so you seem a little nervous. Once they respond with a word um or agree, restate that. Nervous. Tell me more about nervous. Tell me, are there any other words that might describe how you're feeling right now, and then hand them the feelings wheel or flip that feelings wheel up on the zoom screen. Say this might be helpful, and then just stay silent, right? Um, and we can use it even when a meeting's going well. You seem decisive, you seem confident, right? Affirm, slide them the feelings wheel, any other thoughts as we get into this, and we don't have to call them emotions, right? We can say any other thoughts or anything else on that list that you think hits you right right now, right? Um, and then just the advisor being vulnerable themselves. And we don't have to have what I call a vulnerability vomit, right? Um, but if if the client says, Well, hey, how was your weekend? You know, we all engage in that small talk before the meeting, you know, I can say, well, my daughter went off to college, and that was really happy and I'm proud of her, but it was a little sad too. They're starting to see, wow, you're, you know, you're not just putting on this perfect armor in front of me. So that's what I would tell uh advisors eat your own cooking, share your emotions without making it a vulnerability vomit. And then having that feelings wheel as a way to just subtly introduce it.

SPEAKER_01 27:59

Yeah, well, I want to walk back to one thing that you said is staying silent in conversation. Silence is a superpower in listening. And that's something I've learned as a podcast host is to try to stay silent for a couple beats after a guest says something so often I won't wait and try to bump in, and the guest is gonna say something else. And so, you know, that that comes through in any communication is that if you're silent, sometimes people feel that silence or they're still processing what they want to say. So, you know, when you stay silent when you're working with a client, that's really when you're gonna learn something. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 28:47

And and for those that it's uncomfortable with, um, you know, they they say, Well, I don't know if I can do that. Just announce at the start of the meeting, hey, uh, Tony, this is the way I work. And, you know, and one thing I really want to make sure I do is I want to have some silence in the room. And Tony, that's not to make it uncomfortable for you in any way, but I think giving my clients the time to think, process, and respond, I believe that's important. Would you tend to agree? You're gonna nod your head as you're doing right now, right? Um, and then, wow, now I've committed to it, I I guess I better do it. Right.

SPEAKER_01 29:31

See, we're practicing silence right now. So, you know, one thing I, you know, I want to uh talk about, you know, one, you know, what one last topic before we start to wrap up, and it's about scarcity. And you mentioned that at the very beginning, and that is a place that a lot of us come from that lead to a lot of issues, both in our life as well as with our money. So, you know, how do people start to make that switch from a scarcity mindset to an abundance mindset? You know, because it's so popular, everybody's like, oh, we got to talk about abundance. But what does that actually mean? And how do we actually start to make that shift?

SPEAKER_00 30:13

Yeah, I think it's for for for my clients that I work with, it's it's have helping them recognize, well, where did that come from? You know, I I bel I believe in in order to rewire, reprogram our behavior, we've got to find the root of it. Right. And so was that scarcity mindset an event that I'm still reacting to in my mind? Right? Was it the the time our family was homeless? Um, that in my mind, uh anytime there's this fear of lack, my mind says, you're not safe. Right. Um, or was it something an important figure in my life told me growing up? You know, you've got to work hard because they'll always pull the rug out from underneath you or whatever, right? Where's that coming from? Right? And then we can start to question like that that might, might have been true before, right? Um, yes, it was a fact I was homeless, but I'm not homeless today. Right? And so what's true today? And so I I think it's a lot of really discovering that root and then reprogramming that, rewiring that. Um, because our bodies are still subconsciously reacting to it, our minds are still subconsciously reacting to it.

SPEAKER_01 31:39

Yeah, so what is an abundance mindset?

SPEAKER_00 31:42

Yeah, I think for an abundance mindset, right, is uh I think about it, uh, you know, my my company's named Drumbeat of Wealth, and I think it was Edward Young who said wealth is a state of mind. And so, um, and that's why I named it drumbeat of wealth. It's not I want to make all my clients wealthy. And so, although I do, but in a state of mind. And so an abundance mindset is do I have gratitude? You know, am I recognizing the good things that are going on in my life? Am I thankful for those? And what's what's really important to us as human beings? You know, we were as humans, we are wired for connectivity, we were wired for compassion, we were wired for love. And so where is gratitude in my life? Where is generosity in my life? Where is connection in my life? You know, and those all feed into relationships, and and to me that's that's an abundance mindset, you know, is centered around those three.

SPEAKER_01 32:51

Yeah, I I love that. And I think for all of us is, you know, and that gets back to the very first thing we were talking about is you have to ask what's important to you, not what you think is important, but when you start to ask what's important to me, then you can be satisfied because you may not need as much money as the next door neighbors or somebody else, or you may not need whatever else they have. Um, or the career recognition is because some of us will decide, like, boy, I don't want to give up. Like, I started off selling life insurance like decades ago, and I gave it up because I I enjoyed consulting on insurance much more and reviewing existing insurance policies and sales. I didn't like being a salesperson. And I could have been much more financially successful if I'd stuck with sales, but it wasn't something that appealed to me. So, you know, I made a choice early on that, you know, I didn't need as much money. It would have been great to have more money, uh, you know, but you know, for me, I I made that choice and it really made a difference in my career. Some good things, some bad things. But I think for all of us, it's like deciding, like, okay, is this who you want to be and how you want to show up?

SPEAKER_00 34:15

Yeah, I would agree with that. There's a values exercise I do with my clients, and it's really just taking the time, slowing down and saying, what are our values? And and what's the story behind as I go through my clients have 125? We do an assessment of 125 values and we whittle it down to five. You know, what are those five values and what's the story? Why that value? You know, what's the story behind that when we think this is one of my five? What's the story from your past that really resonates that? And then the next key is am I living in my values? So if I'm if I'm succeeding and I'm striving and I'm pushing, but really I'm not comfortable in that skin because it doesn't align with my values of whatever they may be. I'm living a pretty unhappy life.

SPEAKER_01 35:10

I love that. And aligning with your values brings I guess life satisfaction. Um, I think is a good way to put it. So, Dante, to wrap up, um, I have what's called the get ready hot take trio. These are three quick questions I ask all of my guests. The first one is what's a one money myth or belief that you're trying to break?

SPEAKER_00 35:33

As far as me currently, right now? Sure. Okay. All right. Um, I would say for me, I still I think I think all of our money behaviors, if they're, if they're rooted in our past, they never go away, you know. Um, and so for me, one thing I always am aware of and push against is this need to overachieve, succeed, um, that can lead into work holism. So um, yeah, so that's something I have a daily ritual that at uh when it's time to quit, I close my laptop and I say, Donja, you have done enough for today. I take a moment and think about the things that I accomplished in my workday. Um, turn off the laptop and say, now we're done. Close the door to my office. You know, uh, and then my wife and I, we have a time where we just talk about our day, talk about what we appreciate in each other, um, and and and talk about the emotions of the day. And and that's when I have to put the phone in the other room because there's that tendency, I know myself, there's that tendency to go, oh, she she paused. That's a moment of silence. Oh, that's a time for me to answer one more email. Right. So, so um, that's something that I think I'll always be cognizant of and and and push against. But I've got a system, I've got a plan. And so um, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 36:56

Yeah, and I think that's important. And you know, that's not something I've heard from a lot of guests, is that yeah, you know, you still will always have a sort of a minimal impact from these things in your past. They they never go away. You recognize them and you can work on them, but they're still there because they are part of who you are. Yeah, that's exactly right. I love that. So, Danjay, let's get out the time machine for a minute. Okay. If you could go back in time, knowing what you know now about money, what advice would you give your younger self?

SPEAKER_00 37:32

Oh boy. Um I would say probably that money and my emotions are tied to everything I do. And if I don't become the master of them, they become the master of me.

SPEAKER_01 37:45

Ooh, I love that. Tied to everything we do. And uh yeah, if you don't master them, they're gonna master you. They will. So that that's awesome. So the final question is what's your number one tip to change the way we think about money?

SPEAKER_00 38:00

Oh, yeah. Um, I would say to slow down our lives and get curious.

SPEAKER_01 38:09

I love that. And you know, that's something that I talk about is curiosity. I think that is the answer to financial literacy. Yeah. Is that being curious and asking better questions is what's going to help people become financially literate, take control of their money, take control of their lives, is asking questions and being curious is how you learn to do things. Yeah, 100%. 100%. Yeah, so I absolutely love that. So, Danjay, where can people learn more about you and your work?

SPEAKER_00 38:42

Yeah, so um I'm active on LinkedIn under my name, Danjay Rice. You can go to my website, drumbeatofwealth.com. Um, I'm also active on Instagram under Drumbeat of Wealth and Facebook under Drumbeat of Wealth.

SPEAKER_01 38:57

Awesome, awesome. And for everybody watching and listening, if you have access to the show notes, there'll be links to uh Don's social media profiles and uh website in the show notes. Don Jay, thanks for coming on the podcast.

SPEAKER_00 39:09

Hey, thanks, Tony. It was a blast. Had a great time.

SPEAKER_01 39:12

Yeah, and thank you everyone, as always, for tuning in to this episode of Get Ready Before Life Happens. If you learned something today to change the way you think about money, please be sure to like and uh share with a friend. You can also go to my website at Tony Stewart.com to join the Get Ready Movement, get access to my newsletter and some free resources. And if you want to support the podcast, you can go to buymeacoffee.com slash Tony Stewart and help support the podcast. Because when life happens, the way you think about money matters.